btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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