you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize