I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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