I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize