so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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