Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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