so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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