Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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