the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize