Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How naked do you want me to be?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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