i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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