the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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