ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
