dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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