How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize