ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize