i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize