I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize