i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize