Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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