I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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