Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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