hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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