the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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