he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize