Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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