I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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