Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize