is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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