The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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