I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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