omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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