My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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