Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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