I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize