Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize