at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize