this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize