A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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