she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize