Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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