so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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