So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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