I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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