Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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