You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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