she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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