3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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