Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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