I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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