My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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