How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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